May 2nd, 2011
With that said, yesterday I had a complete breakdown. My man and I had plans to meet up with some of his friends and their girlfriends at the beach. Initially I was excited - I really like the company of all the girls and was looking forward to catching up with them. I put on my bikini (not my choice, but my boyfriend INSISTS I look "good" in a bikini). But when I looked in the mirror, I wanted to vomit. I feel like I look so disgusting. And all I could think about was how FAT and GROSS I was going to look next to the skinny girls I was about to meet up with. I spent the next half hour balling my eyes out like a 5-year-old having a tantrum.
I hate feeling so inferior next to other girls. I hate feeling like I am going to be some fat, gross, ugly embarrassing girlfriend compared to the other girlfriends.
We ended up going, and I enjoyed myself - never took off my summer dress.
I hate that my weight has such an impact on my social life....
Ugh....
Thanks for letting me vent.
3 comments:
It is amazing the impact it has. I am starting to get anxious about pool time on our trip. Why can't we just be happy with ourselves? We need to embrace what we have...we may not be the smallest but we are the most (insert what you like about yourself here)!
Its crazy what an impact on our life our body has!! I'm the same way I really wanted to be at goal by summer so I wouldn't have to go through this again. I'm glad you had a good time anyway but we need to learn not to let our body rule our fun and our life. We will not get these times back and will regret it when we are older!
I know exactly how you feel! I don't know how many times over the years I've refused to go in a pool b/c of how I felt I looked in a bikini, especially compared to other women around me. It really is so sad when our perception of ourselves gets in the way of enjoying life. I'm glad you ended up having a good time anyway though! Try to stay positive :)
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