THE Breakdown

May 2nd, 2011

I had a complete breakdown. As I mentioned in my previous post, life is less than ideal at the moment. I've kinda put my weight loss on pause because I am just trying to get through all the crap I am dealing with right now.

With that said, yesterday I had a complete breakdown. My man and I had plans to meet up with some of his friends and their girlfriends at the beach. Initially I was excited - I really like the company of all the girls and was looking forward to catching up with them. I put on my bikini (not my choice, but my boyfriend INSISTS I look "good" in a bikini). But when I looked in the mirror, I wanted to vomit. I feel like I look so disgusting. And all I could think about was how FAT and GROSS I was going to look next to the skinny girls I was about to meet up with. I spent the next half hour balling my eyes out like a 5-year-old having a tantrum.

I hate feeling so inferior next to other girls. I hate feeling like I am going to be some fat, gross, ugly embarrassing girlfriend compared to the other girlfriends.

We ended up going, and I enjoyed myself - never took off my summer dress.

I hate that my weight has such an impact on my social life....

Ugh....

Thanks for letting me vent.