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August 8, 2011

THE Breakdown

May 2nd, 2011

I had a complete breakdown. As I mentioned in my previous post, life is less than ideal at the moment. I've kinda put my weight loss on pause because I am just trying to get through all the crap I am dealing with right now.

With that said, yesterday I had a complete breakdown. My man and I had plans to meet up with some of his friends and their girlfriends at the beach. Initially I was excited - I really like the company of all the girls and was looking forward to catching up with them. I put on my bikini (not my choice, but my boyfriend INSISTS I look "good" in a bikini). But when I looked in the mirror, I wanted to vomit. I feel like I look so disgusting. And all I could think about was how FAT and GROSS I was going to look next to the skinny girls I was about to meet up with. I spent the next half hour balling my eyes out like a 5-year-old having a tantrum.

I hate feeling so inferior next to other girls. I hate feeling like I am going to be some fat, gross, ugly embarrassing girlfriend compared to the other girlfriends.

We ended up going, and I enjoyed myself - never took off my summer dress.

I hate that my weight has such an impact on my social life....

Ugh....

Thanks for letting me vent.

Even Worse.

Just when I thought I was being BAD. I got even Worse.

Celebrating my boyfriend's promotion & my promotion by taking serious advantage of taco tuesday. BAD

Valentine's Day Dinner complete with Creme Brulee. BAD

Not caring what I ate all weekend long. BAD

Emotional dinner and drinks to deal with stress of promotion. BAD

I weighed myself Monday morning and I was at 160.1. DAMN IT. I thought I had kissed the nasty 160s goodbye.

I am going back home on Friday to see my friends and family, and I really had hoped to be at least 155lbs. Now I am just hoping for the same weight that I was weighing in at during my last Weight Watcher meeting weigh-in.

UGH, why? WHY????

Don't run after pizza

February 10, 2010

Yesterday morning I was convinced that between my taco Tuesday hangover and just feeling fat and lazy, my ambitious plans to go to the gym that evening were canned.

Well, the hangover was gone by the afternoon, still felt fat and lazy by the evening, but that was really even more reason to get my round butt to the gym. My bff and I were going to go to a yoga class after hitting up the treadmills (in preparation for our 5k in April), but we opted just to run last night.

I wanted to run 2 miles straight, but considering everything aforementioned, I didn't know if 2miles was really going to happen. (Did I mention my boyfriend and I had pizza for dinner right before going to the gym? I know, genius.)

Well I managed to push through the side cramp and the stomach ache (thank you pizza) and run 2 miles (straight!). I was even more impressed with my 21 minute completion time: a 10:30 mile pace. I'm no speedy runner, but I don't think a 10:30 mile is too shabby. I'd like to get it under 10 minutes, but that will come with time.

After writing my bad.Bad.BAD entry, I certainly feel better having stuck to my gym goal for the day and stay on track with my 5k training.

Maybe not such a BAD day after all :)

xx Rachelle 

bad. Bad. BAD.

February 9, 2010

So this week I have been bad. Bad. BAD. Started with the weekend and eating a few naughty things without too much remorse. (bad) Then on Monday I got promoted at work, so my man and I went out for my favorite Sushi dinner. (Bad) Then yesterday was taco Tuesday and well since I had just gotten promoted, it was time to celebrate with my friends with $2.50 margaritas and guacamole. (BAD).

I am terrified to get on the scale, I feel sooooo gross and I know I won't like what it tells me. I know I should not worry about it too much - I have to live life once in awhile and indulge when it's appropriate (like celebrating a promotion), but I hate feeling that the hard work over the past month can so easily be lost. I hate the my body is so stubborn to shed any weight, but so eager to gain it back after a day or two of less than I ideal eating.

Ugh. I am supposed to go to the gym tonight with my boyfriend and bff to train for my 5k followed by a yoga class. Honestly, right now all I want to do is eat some nasty greasy hang-over breakfast.

It's probably a blessing in disguise that the McDonald's drive-thru line was too long this morning for me to be on time for work. I guess my hangover will just have to be satisfied with my 4pt+ oatmeal....

xx Rachelle

The Story of How I Got Fat

January 13, 2011

Feast your eyes on this peeps: How I Got Fat

Complete with very embarrassing photos.