Up and Down

June 10, 2011

The past week as been insane and brutal with my weight loss. Last week I was down to 152.2. My lowest low so far. At one point over last weekend I even saw 151.1 on the scale. I bought myself a pair of jeans 2 sizes smaller that the ones that were currently hanging in my closet. I then proceeded to pull out my "Skinny jeans" - not because they are the skinny jeans style, but because they are actually a size 8 and I haven't fit into those in well over a year. Well I pulled on the "skinny" size 8 jeans and to my astonishment they actually fit. I am not saying they fit perfectly, but even a bit snug, I almost wore them that day but opted for the jeans I just bought instead.

So my week started off well. Then Tuesday was my anniversary with my man, and I ate. Alot. Then Wednesday my company was hosting an all-day business seminar, at which I started off watching my eating (even brought my own breakfast and lunch!) but then I lost all control during the networking reception afterwards (free drinks and delish apps!). THEN, yesterday my company was sponsoring a hole at a BBB Golf tournament which meant my coworker and I were out on the green from 10am-5pm yesterday with beer, snack food, and then were treated to a delicious dinner during the awards ceremony.

CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. Let's just say, the scale didn't say 152.2 when I stepped on it this morning for my weigh-in.

I am getting so frustrated with this roller coaster crap. One week my weight plummets and then the following week, I gain like 4 lbs! How is that even possible? It's not like I have been eating an entire pizza every meal, everyday for the past week.

UGH. As I have mentioned recently,  I am flying out to Nebraska with my boyfriend over 4th of July to visit his family. I was hoping to be 145 by then, but at this rate and this roller coaster pattern, I am just praying for anything in the 140's.

But today is a new day, right? So far so good :)

Hope everyone else has a good weekend!

Rachelle xx

THE Breakdown

May 2nd, 2011

I had a complete breakdown. As I mentioned in my previous post, life is less than ideal at the moment. I've kinda put my weight loss on pause because I am just trying to get through all the crap I am dealing with right now.

With that said, yesterday I had a complete breakdown. My man and I had plans to meet up with some of his friends and their girlfriends at the beach. Initially I was excited - I really like the company of all the girls and was looking forward to catching up with them. I put on my bikini (not my choice, but my boyfriend INSISTS I look "good" in a bikini). But when I looked in the mirror, I wanted to vomit. I feel like I look so disgusting. And all I could think about was how FAT and GROSS I was going to look next to the skinny girls I was about to meet up with. I spent the next half hour balling my eyes out like a 5-year-old having a tantrum.

I hate feeling so inferior next to other girls. I hate feeling like I am going to be some fat, gross, ugly embarrassing girlfriend compared to the other girlfriends.

We ended up going, and I enjoyed myself - never took off my summer dress.

I hate that my weight has such an impact on my social life....

Ugh....

Thanks for letting me vent.